party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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