you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
