i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
BRING THE BAGELS
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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