I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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