I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
