Say something about gay babies.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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