i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Come on in and take your pants off
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