More tranny stories later!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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