I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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