Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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