I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
