on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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