you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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