Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
