belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
