he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
