she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
