ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
