so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
