i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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