thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
