her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
