her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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