ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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