maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
