I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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