Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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