When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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