im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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