Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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