It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
