Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
