then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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