Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
