I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
