you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
