Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
