You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
bring money and cleavage
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
