last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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