11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
