You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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