my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
