All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
