I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
