so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
