wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
