Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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