You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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