In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
