This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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