idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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