There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
