so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
