Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
