Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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