so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I will die if light touches me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
