Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
