I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
