I'm so fucking centered right now
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
