So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
