I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
