God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
