so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
