I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
