smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
