Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
