Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
