I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
