no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
