hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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