erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
