My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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