I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
