Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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