Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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